Don't Despair When It Comes to Marriage

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem,
Assalam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barkatuhu

Marriage is Sunnah and also half our deen. It’s a new door that leads to happiness as it unites two people and creates new familial bonds. When I think of marriage, I think of the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sall Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam). I think of love, mercy, compassion, friendship, and happiness.

Today we are living in a time where it is very difficult to get married. Culture seems to play a bigger role in marriage than the religion itself which causes much distress among families especially youngsters who suffer the most. If I ask a young Muslim brother why he hasn’t married? He would say, “I do not have the means to support a wife, I am looking for a job.” Another would say, “I haven’t found the right person.” Then, the excuses build up. When I ask the Muslim sisters, They say “education” and some say, “I will when the times comes InshaAllah.”

While all these great excuses and cultural barriers between parents build up, the people remain unmarried for a very long time.

This is when I have found many people getting depressed. Some have lost hope and think that they will never get married.

This is very sad. I feel guilty writing this but this is a very important issue and is an advice to myself first, then others InshaAllah.

The other day someone told me a story about a beautiful girl who was so proud of herself she would reject every good proposal that would come to her thinking they are not good enough. Finally, there came to a point where she was getting older and the proposals stopped coming to her. While in desperation, there finally came a proposal which was was distinct from the others and she finally accepted it but got rejected at the end. The reason being that she got a lot older than she used to be. This made the girl commit suicide. Note: this is not a true story. Moral: Look into the proposals you receive because they are a blessing from Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala and do not reject them unless you have a good reason (Advice to my self first and to everyone InshaAllah)

The reason for mentioning all this is to remind my dear brothers and sisters in Islam not to despair if you feel you cannot get married at the moment. Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala will have someone for you. Do not lose hope thinking that you will never get married.

Here are a few steps that may facilitate the process of marriage:

1. Maintain a good relationship with Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala. The other day I reflected upon this thinking to myself, if I do not have a good relationship with Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala, then how will I expect myself to have a good relationship with others? Work on your relationship with Allah Subhana Wa ta’ala. Leave your sins and take yourself to account. Check your attitude towards others daily including your anger level, character, patience and if its faltering, work on it. Also when it comes to Salah, rush for it. Pray with Khushoo. Remember, the happiest person is the one who submits himself to Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala.

2. Tell your parents. If you are closer to your mom or dad, tell them. In other cases, if you have a big brother or a sister who is closer to you, ask them to talk to your parents on your behalf. Try to convince them with a kind attitude. If you are good to your parents, they will definitely listen to you.

3. Make lots of duas. I have known a few sisters who have made lots of duas for righteous husbands. I have seen them very happy in life Masha’Allah. Furthermore, make sure to wake up in the night for Tahajjud and ask Allah for a good spouse. Once you have done that, keep making dua until a good proposal comes to you. Do not stop no matter what. This is where Shaytan will get to you! Do not Stop!

4. Put your complete trust in Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala.

‘The emaan of a person cannot be true until he has more trust in that which is in Allah’s Hands than that which is in his own hands.’ [Ali Ibn Abi Talib RadiAllahu 'Anhu]

Be like a child, who would say, “I asked my mother to bring me my lunch to school.” The lunch time almost comes to an end and all his friends would say, “I don’t think your mom is gonna come. The lunch time is almost over.” The child would not stop and will say over again, “Say anything you want, I know my mom will come and give me the best lunch ever!”. No sooner than he turns around, he finds his mother holding his favorite lunch. The child would then tell his friend, “I told you, she would! My mother is amazing. She loves me so much.”

The reason I have mentioned the story of a mother and a child is to show the pure innocence of the child. How he trusted his mother and waited patiently on her that she will bring him his favorite food he asked her to get. Also the relationship between a mother and her child is amazingly remarkable. A mother loves her child so much and never asks for anything in return. In your life you will always find people who love you but no other love in the world compares to that of a mother.

Now, imagine your relationship with Allah Subhana Wa ta’ala. Allah loves us more than our mothers. So if you ask Him for something, don’t lose hope, know He will give you the best! Always Expect the best from Allah Subhana Wa ta’ala.

5. Always remember after hardship comes ease. So be patient.

“Life is like a coin. Pleasure and pain are the two sides. Only one side is visible at a time. But remember other side is waiting for its turn.”

6. When things go wrong always say:

“Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).”[Surah Al 'Imran 173]

It doesn’t matter if you get rejected by someone. You never know what’s the good behind it.

Allah says in the Qur’an:

“It may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.”
(2: 216)

Leave your affairs to Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala. What is meant to happen will happen InshaAllah and you will get rewarded for your patience. I can almost imagine myself in Jannah enjoying the fruits and drinks flowing like a waterfall. The more I am waiting here, the more I am enjoying there and don’t forget Jannah is eternal.

7. Increase in worship. Start fasting every Mondays and Thursdays. It is sunnah! Fasting helps you and you can make lots of duas while you are fasting.

8. Read Qur’an daily and reflect upon it. It doesn’t matter if you do not get what you want here in this world, you still have the Hereafter. You have not lost anything. The affairs of a believer are good both in this world and the hereafter.

9. Keep doing good deeds and give more charity.

“Surely, Allah’s Mercy is [ever] near unto the good-doers.” [Qur’an 7:56]

Know that Paradise is not far away. So work hard for it and compete with other believers in righteousness.

Narrated ‘Abdullah (Radi Allahu Anhu): The Prophet (Sall Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said,“Paradise is nearer to anyone of you than the Shirak (leather strap) of his shoe, and so is the (Hell) Fire. [8:495-O.B] Sahih Al Bukhari.

Al-Mutanabbi said:

“Time has showered me with trouble until
The arrows on my heart have formed a cover,
That now when I am struck with an arrow,
The blade of it strikes into the shaft of another,
Now I live without a care for troubles
Since I have nor profited by caring.”

Lastly, according to the book “Don’t be Sad”, “Tribulation is similar to sickness: it must run its course before it goes away, and the one who is hasty in attempting to remove it often causes it to augment and increase. It is imperative that the one who is afflicted be patient; he must wait with hope for relief, and he must be persistent in his prayers.”

May Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala make it easy on the people who are seeking marriage Ameen

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